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They do late term abortions here in Kansas.
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Georgia offers it up till 32weeks. there is only one abortion clinic that does it though. Others offer up till 24. Jen
I'm a Blogging Mommy!: http://brokeandparenting.blogspot.com/ | ||
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I was going to say that to KSGirl. I live a few miles from one of the most controversial A doctors. | ||
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Some people on this board absolutely disgust me. And not surprisingly, it's always the posters who have NO room to be throwing stones OP, you are a good friend. I'm sure that since your friend has a toddler, she'll understand your situation. For the time being, I would send flowers or something, and then get there to visit as soon as you can. I would also let her know that you support her, and are available to talk if she feels the need. My heart goes out to you both. | ||
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I do believe God has a plan for every child, that doesn't mean I think people are wrong for having abortions. I feel bad for the parent and child that they never got to see. I feel badly the child never got a chance to experience life but I would not not be friends with someone who chose differently than I would. My issue is it was b/c the child could have SN's. It "seems" like a family that is already taking care of another child properly and decided to TTC for another. I don't know the exact situation its all just examples. I am pro choice but I think there should be limits as to an appropriate date of termination and reasons.
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Of course. I haven't seen the inside of a church in a good long while, but back in the day I was Catholic, and I do recall that compassion and forgiveness are pretty much central themes of Christian faith. I also don't believe that Jesus would've had a gun, and I'm pretty sure he was a socialist and radical liberal. But that's for another thread.
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Wow, people, talk about judgmental. The OP said it was the right choice for her friend. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. And, I think a lot of people (myself included) would do exactly the same thing the friend did, but are too afraid to admit it on here because of all of the self-righteous people who will tear her a new one. OP, I do think that if there is any way to get a babysitter, you should try to, so you can be with your friend. If you can't, send something pampering - maybe a gift basket with tea, candles, chocolate, a cd, etc. Especially considering the other friend's lousy response, I think it is great that you are making sure to be there for her! | ||
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In MA an abortion can be performed for any reason up to 11w6d. At 12 weeks it can only be due to medical complications with the baby or mother. No abortions may be performed after 24 weeks unless the mother's life is in danger (mentally and physically). The above inofrmation is NOT accurate- anyone reading from MA who needs an abortion and is past the 11w6d mark do not be afraid- access and availability does not end...nor is there the requirement mentioned by this poster. PSA over.
My very best friend was faced with similar circumstances OP. They had been trying for many, many years to get pregnant. Everything seemed to be going well until testing came back that there might be a problem. An ultrasound seemed to say something was amiss as well. More tests, more ultrasounds and time clicked by as they awaited results. They went 'round and 'round about what to do once the had a prenatal diagnosis. There was no right answer, and they made the choice they did out of love for a very very wanted child. If you cannot be there for her physically, be there for her anyway. Call her, email her, reach out to her and let her know you are there to listen. Cry with her, be angry with her, be happy with her...just be open and NONJUDGEMENTAL. She may feel very alone now- so many in society act as those on this post have- and it makes the pain and grieving process an isolated one (they cannot reach out or be free with their grief because other cannot or refuse to understand). Most importantly, be there for the long term. Ask how she is in a month, two months, a year. Acknowledge important dates like the due date or the decision date- let her know you are thinking of her and have not forgotten. I sent a card on her due date and planted a tree in their honor. On the year anniversary I planted another tree (and each time I sent her a sapling to plant in her yard as well). Your friend will appreciate your desire to be there and will let you know what she needs, even if it is not verbally and directly stated. I am sorry for the sorrow both of must be experiencing..... You can have it all...my empire of dirt | ||
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Whoa!! Hold up!!! Once again, you can hide all you want under your "I'm religious" cloak, but in reality you're not all that religious, because like I said, Jesus wouldn't judge his friends (anyone) and wouldn't really approve of you doing so either. Think about it - and if you can convince me that Jesus/God would judge then dump a friend in this circumstance, then I will believe that you really are a religious person. Is it b/c I put God in caps? Why do you think I am a bible thumper or whatever?
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I do believe God has a plan for every child How do you know what God's plan is for the child? Do you have a direct line to him? So what reason did your friends who are still your friends who had abortions abort their babies for? And you have yet to agree that Jesus/God would also judge and dump a friend in this situation. I see you posted as I was... No it has nothing to do w/ your putting god in caps. It just has to do with the fact that you're saying that God has a plan for every child and what a blessing your child is.... That is not really something that I would ever say, i am not a religious person. I've never heard a non-religious person make comments like that. And I never called you a bible thumper. ~ Joe The Plumber - Working 10-12 hours/day, 7 days/week Not your Average Joe-Six Pack!! |
Tiller? | ||
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Yep. | ||
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I'm sorry but terminating because of the gender of a child at 24 weeks (or at all) should be punishable by law. There, I said it. There is a special place in hell... Op - I am sorry for your friend's loss. I second the sitter or having your dh stay home with your child while you go up there this weekend. I know it's 100 miles each way so maybe you can plan on spending a majority of your Sat or Sun.
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If you want to marry me, just ask. No need to try and entice me with awesomeness. Best line ever. Sweaty | ||
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OP, just do what you need to do to be a good friend. That is what she needs right now
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What's done can't be undone. All there is to do now is be there for your friend. See if you can get a sitter. pp had a good idea about a chocolate and wine basket. Maybe some comfy slippers or fluffy socks.....a natural heating pad (nice if she's having cramping or soreness.....and just plain comforting if she's not). If you absolutely can't make if, call, explain that you DS is sick and you don't want to bring germs into her home, spend some time with her on the phone. Reschedule, let her know you aren't avoiding her, and that you care. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  My Personal Blog: J and C and Me | ||
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"I'm sorry but terminating because of the gender of a child at 24 weeks (or at all) should be punishable by law. There, I said it. There is a special place in hell... " I don't know about the hell stuff, but I would probably say that if the gender of the child is a major priority, it should be determined ASAP and dealt with accordingly. 24 weeks, IMO, is a bit late. Of course the word is "elective" and it doesn't specify what reasons a woman might have, so gender-selection just falls into the category. It's not that the state is openly condoning this particular action.
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Totally OT but I think it is terribly sad that people would terminate due to the sex of the baby. And WOW. I didn't know that in GA termination was legal at 32 weeks for non-medical reasons. Edited 1:33 PM by hahawillis | ||
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I can't even keep reading these mesaages. She came here to try and find out what she could do for her friend not have a bunch of people judge her friend. You don't like it don't ansewer! As for all of you who say I would never do this until you lay in that doctors office and have them tell you that your much loved and wanted baby is not going to live and if they do they will only know pain and suffering and never see the outside of the hosptial.Dont' say what you would do! I know because I have been that women and my little girl was very loved and wanted. I labored for over 24 hours with her Dh and I held her and told her we loved her. But in my heart I know that I did the right thing because the only ones who felt the pain was her father and I not my sweet little girl who had we not intrupted my pg what her life would have been. Bambi Don't judge until you have walked in those shoes |
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Have you had an abortion here? I have. I was told by my OB/GYN, planned parenthood and another resource that I had to be less than 12 weeks pg to have one. Bri Nick 07-03-2003 Eliana 09-20-2005
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I told myself I wouldn't comment on the Jesus/God/religion argument, but I want to say a few things. I feel like I need to say something because...well, because He is my God and I love him If you think believe that Jesus was running around believing that abortion is fine then I believe you are mistaken. If you think Jesus would turn his back on a friend because of something they did then I believe that you are also mistaken. Jesus/God has this awesome way of loving someone without agreeing with what they do (thank Him for that or I would have been in trouble along time ago). It is like with our kids. I know that my kids could do the worst thing possible and while I would never agree with what they did, I would always love my them. If you need to turn your back on a friend because you have an SN child and you can't deal with the situation of what your friend chose, then that is one thing. I think Jesus would understand that. even if you can't be friends with someone it doesn't mean that you can't pray for them. And sometimes people need prayers more than friendships, they just don't realize it all of the time. If you are turning your back on your friend because you are judging her and her decision then I believe that Jesus wouldn't agree with that. Sorry, I can't stay on the sidelines when someone is talking about Jesus/God most of the time. It's like someone is talking about a family member that I love dearly. This post wasn't meant for the OP, just my thoughts on the Jesus/God reasoning. | ||
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Nat - if a couple is hellbent on having a little girl then they need to fork over the $$$ to have the sperm seperated and go through the "special process" of getting that child. You don't just get pregnant and continue to abort until you get what you want. That IMO, is abuse of your rights. I'm no thumper, I don't even go to church but what you said struck a nerve. That is a level of shallow I hope to never meet. | ||
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A 24 weeks abortion is sicking! I could NEVER abort just for the simple reason of Downs. I would research and try to be completely prepared for when my offspring came. I would also find it difficult to keep a friend that aborted just because of downs. Breaks my heart
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I thought most dem/lib were pro choice. I don't understand the bashing. OP, unfortunately around here you have to candy coat things. You should have said something to the affect of my bff had to terminate for medical reasons ( and declined to give a reason ). I feel for your friend, and am sorry for her loss. ( I am pro life, but her family -I can't pretend to be in someone else's shoes making a choice for them. ) | ||
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I totally disagree with you, but what you said is eloquent and I think probably the best arguement to my opposing view I've heard. Still think I'm right, though. Yes, I had an abortion but I knew right away I was going to terminate so I didn't wait to hear about what the doctor said about limits. It was in NY so I have to assume it would've been 24 weeks. Also, each state is different. Powered by Starbucks when did I say I would do this or thought it was a great idea? All I did say was that people do it. And that at 24 weeks, IMO it's a bit late for gender-selective abortion. Go throw your judgemental BS somewhere else.
Edited 1:46 PM by Nat0117 Edited 1:47 PM by Nat0117 | ||
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This is really sad and all you can really do is be there for her...Not to start a "big" deal or whatver but I dont know if I could have done it just because my child had down syndrome. To each is own though....i took the test with my second not to know weather I would terminate it or not but to prepare just in case...My sister didnt have it down because she didnt want to know either way... Its hard but just be there for her!  | ||
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McDreamy - Thank you for that post. It was awesome and right on!! As for the rest of this post.. Disgusting... My Aunt and Uncle have Down Syndrome as well as a cousin. They are a blessing and I cannot believe anyone could say they are aborting "Out of LOVE".. It's called aborting out of selfish-ness. Wow.. My eyes are literally tearing up..
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OH BTW...LOL....I dont think she is a troll (well not that I know of) But I have seen her posting on her before and not outragious topics... I remember people because of the pics of them/kids...Just my 2 cents though | ||
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That is a stupid reason to have an abortion!
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Many of you people are the reason that termination for medical reasons is so hard to talk about. The judging. I know this is the BHB and all, but this person, who is a stranger to all of you, made a very difficult decision, which had nothing to do with you, but you're all up in arms second-guessing her. Disgusting, if you ask me. Which, I realize, nobody did. ^^ITA!!!^^ | ||
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I could NEVER abort just for the simple reason of Downs. For you the decision is simple. For others it is not. Having a child with Downs is not a simple life. Some people can handle it and some people can not. It is horrible that you would condemn someone for making such a hard decision or that you would minimize it by calling it a "simple" reason to not terminate. As I stated earlier in the thread—95% of parents who receive a DS diagnosis choose to not continue the pregnancy. It is a serious diagnosis. | ||
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Buy her the book Gifts and callit a day. http://www.amazon.com/Gifts-Mothers-Reflect-Children-Syndrome/dp/1890627852/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224870810&sr=1-1 Katie Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind | ||
What a disgusting human being you are.
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OK - So you can't take care of a DS child. Strange to me but whatever.. Here's a novel idea.. Give it up for adoption!!! There are still waiting lists for newborns with special needs. But to murder it instead?? | ||
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That is a stupid reason to have an abortion! For YOU. It is a stupid reason for you. You do NOT know what another person is going through. It is not your right to tell someone what is and isn't a stupid reason to terminate a much wanted pregnancy. | ||
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LOVE THE BOOK!! I honestly love it. Kinda funny too.. So now we abort for Down Syndrome, what's next Autism, Food Allergies?? | |||||||
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And the downward spiral continues............. H. | ||
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Ugh. The hypocrisy of some people that use God as their excuse. What a joke.
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OK - So you can't take care of a DS child. Strange to me but whatever.. Whether I can or can not take care of a DS child is not up for debate. I have never once stated what *I* would do in this situation because I have never been in a position to have to make a decision like the OP's friend has had to make. Go back and read all of my posts. I am appaled at the condemnation and the sweeping judgments that other posters are making about what this woman "should" have done—as if it is anyones' business but the OP's BFF. | ||
What a disgusting human being you are. Thanks For your insight, Nat. Really I am just someone who loves a little girl with Down Syndrome with all of my heart. Katie Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind | ||
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Aww Nat, it's more fun to throw it at you. You handle it so well. I could have sworn you said you had two friends that did terminate because of gender. Regardless, it has got to be exhausting being so perfect. | ||
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I don't think Nat is disputing anything about having a child with DS or that BUT to send a book like that to someone in her BFF's situation is disgusting! | ||
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Katie, that was so awful. I can't believe you posted that. Sweaty | ||
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Don't forget your logic.. The next time you hear about a child being murdered. It's not YOUR life. It doesn't concern YOU. It's not about YOU..Get over it. Really!! | ||||||
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Ok, people it was called sarcasm, I was not truly suggsting that she send the book. This is a subject to close to my heart and Yes, I should have kept my opinions to my self, but I didn't, and its done. Flame away or get over it. I don't care. Katie Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind | ||
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Anyone want to take bets on how long this thread will last?  | ||
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May you never walk a mile in someone else's shoes. You'd probably just kill yourself for having been so ignorant.
Andrea - Mom to 6! Three who run - Two who soar - One on the way | ||
OP here. wow, fifilaroo if my BFF other friend's SN child was a girl I would have thought you were her. BTW, my mother for the past twenty years has worked with people who have DS and she sees "the other side" of it. What happens when you are old or you die who looks after your grown up child then? People like my mother do because there no other place left to for them to go.  Linda, Matthew 04/27/00 and Rowan 06/04/06 | ||
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I was prepared to walk a mile in someone's shoes. I knew I was at risk for have a DS baby. My DH and I chose to get pregnant 3 times prepared for the possibility. Until you have held a sweet DS baby, YOU my dear are the ignorant one. Murder is Murder. No matter how you deal the cards.
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This thread isn't about the OP anymore.. The OP may not be a total Troll but you don't have to be to pull a fake story out of your butt to incite the masses. She had to have known this would happen. It always does. FifiLaroo, Congratulations on winning the Douchebag of the Year award. Carrie ~ It may look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.   | ||
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I said that I know people that have done it, yep. Did I say I did it? Did I say that I would? Or wouldn't? If these people are friends of mine does that make it something I would do? Or not do? What does it have to do with ME? And my love, it's people like you who suggest perfection with your ability to make the only "right" choices. Go make yourself useful and drink your Starbucks.
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I do want to say one thing about your BFF's other friend. I wonder if she isn't really "turning her back" on her as much as just at a loss of what to say. I can say that when I had a preemie at 30 weeks, it was hard to understand why other people would so easily (what seemed to me to be done so easily) have abortions close to that gestation. I wonder if your other friend is having a hard time dealing with the loss that your other friend had to go through. I hope that made sense. | ||
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But to murder it instead?? by legal definition, it is impossible for an abortion to be considered murder. And this right here is why abortion is not allowed to be discussed/debated here on OBBC. There is however, an abortion debate group on the NBBC. OP, I am sorry for your friend. I hope that her and her husband find the comfort that they need. I would find someone to watch your child for an hour or so and go spend some time with her. She probably needs a hug and a shoulder to cry on.  | ||
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OP - Good luck to your friend... she'll be in my thoughts. I have a feeling this thread is gonna go buh-bye... hopefully you were able to weed out the helpful advice and kind comments from the crap.  ~ Joe The Plumber - Working 10-12 hours/day, 7 days/week Not your Average Joe-Six Pack!! | ||
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